Ask Dr. Joan: I'm confused about making my decision to have an abortion

Posted by drjoan on Thu, Jan 1, 2010 @ 2:55 PM

My husband and I were separated for about 3 months and really thought that we were going through with the divorce but decided that we would try and work it out. Then a week later i found out that i was pregnant and i don’t know what to do. He wants me to have a abortion cause he cant stand the thought of me carrying another mans baby, but me on the other hand is not so sure that i want to punish my baby for me just being careless, but i also feel that it is the only way that we can move on with our family which already contains 2 beautiful girls. I understand how he feels and i didn’t do this meaningfully. and even if i wanted to i cant afford it. I just don’t know what to do it is all a mess. Can yo PLEASE help me.

Dear Jessi,
I am not a therapist, but I do have a lot of experience seeing couples who are in this situation and are trying to make a decision whether to have an early abortion.  If you are really wanting to try to make it work with your husband, it might help to see your decision as what is best for your relationship and your family.  If you are in your first trimester of pregnancy, you can be confident that you are not hurting anyone.  There is no baby yet. You may want to look at my website.  I have a section on early pregnancy, and a section on emotional issues (under Making your decision) that you may find helpful.  Sometimes it also helps to look at what is actually involved in ending an early pregnancy.  Many women are not informed about the actual process of pregnancy termination, and it can be helpful to learn more.
Let me know if I can be of further assistance.
Doctor Joan